The world of Tzu Chi March 2023 (Vol.145)

TZU CHI 145 31 undermining our intention, and turning ‘care and support’ into ‘preaching’ instead. When this happens, our presence no longer serves the purpose of ‘being there’; we have deviated from offering the companionship and comfort to our friends in need. This is your assignment in life There was a 67-year-old grandmother caring for her grandchild suffering from spinal muscular atrophy. The stress and workload were taking a toll on her. Tzu Chi volunteers took this grandmother for a visit with Master Cheng Yen. On that occasion, Master’s compassionate and empathetic words to her were, “This is your assignment in life.” The grandmother felt instantly that she was understood, and a sense of relief came over her. Prior to that, she had gone to several other religious centres where she was told, “This is your gift.” Those words upset her as she felt her circumstance was certainly no gift but a heavy burden. She became more depressed when some told her, “This is your karma.” It felt like they were rubbing salt into her wound. Bearing in mind Master’s reassurance that this was her ‘assignment in life’, the grandmother readily accepted it as her lifelong mission and went about her life with this new found perspective. From my experience acting as counsellor in the field, giving a few hours of counselling at the scene is often insufficient to provide beneficial impacts on the affected families. I found it more effective by ‘being there’ in the capacity as a ‘supporting Tzu Chi volunteer’ instead. I could then say to them, “Have some food, even if just a little…” They would eventually eat with tears running down their cheeks and we would gently wipe them away while comforting them with a pat on their shoulder. Being in the field as Companions, we are able to cover the essential needs of the affected quickly. We can be at hand to help when it is most needed and at the same time, experiencing it all with the families. This lays the foundation of solid trusts with the affected and greatly ease the subsequent trauma healing and grief counselling work. It is natural to feel overwhelmed by sadness and grief in the time of trouble and bad news. Our roles are then to listen closely to the needs of the persons affected, allowing them to mourn and let them feel understood. Instead of attempting to alleviate their pain immediately, our goal as Companions should focus on dissipating their sense of loneliness. Sometimes, words are not enough. Simple gestures, such as a pat on the back, holding their hands, or catching them when they are weak, can be far more comforting and helpful. Presence and companionship is the best form of support for those who are going through shock or trauma. It is crucial to put ourselves in their shoes and not impose our own preconceptions and expectations. By simply being present and actively listening, we send a message that there is someone for them in time of need and they are not alone. Let us serve as the shining light for the grieving ones and be the support they need in their path to healing.