The world of Tzu Chi March 2023 (Vol.145)

2023 • 03 30 nspiration By Leong Imm Chon (Staff of Tzu Chi Foundation Charity Development Department, Taiwan) Translated by Yi-Qin The Power of Companionship D eath is an inevitable part of life, yet we are seldom taught how to cope with it. At the age of 18, I lost my mother to an illness. At that moment, I looked out of the hospital window, the world went on as usual, birds still flew freely in the blue sky; but in my heart, it felt as if a piece of me had been torn and disappeared along with my beloved mother’s passing. The sudden loss of a loved one without the chance of saying a proper goodbye left me feeling empty. At the funeral, friends and relatives came to offer their condolences. Some told me not to cry else my mother would not rest in peace. It was my secondary school teacher who brought me true solace. As she came over to hug me, my tears finally flowed uncontrollably. She gently patted my head and whispered, “It is okay to cry, my child.” At that moment, I was understood, and my broken heart could finally begin to heal. I had on many occasions, through my work, accompanied grieving families during their time of loss; they said they experienced similar feelings of emptiness and loss. Despite the well-intended supports that were offered, what the bereaved families truly needed was space to grieve and express their emotions. Though words of sympathy like “my condolences,” “take good care,” and “do not cry” were meant to comfort, sometimes these words might actually make it harder for the bereaved to cope with their losses. One day, my friend Lily shared among us the heartbreaking news that she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. A friend then tried to console her by saying, “Stay strong and make the most of these next few months.” Unfortunately, these words only added to Lily’s pain. Lily broke down in tears, feeling that this friend just could not understand the depth of her sorrow, so she ended their friendship and vowed never to see her again. At that point, I could see how much harm those wrongly placed words added to Lily’s grief, shattering her heart into even more pieces. When our friends are in distress, we instinctively will want to lend a helping hand. However, if we are not careful in our approaches, offering merely “chicken soup for the soul” type of clichés, we would be