The world of Tzu Chi February 2021(Vol.131)

raised. The mother felt wronged because she could not get her child’s understanding although she had quit her well-paid job for her child. She also admitted that when discussing things with her child, they would often end up in a heated argument very quickly. Children don’t make mistakes on purpose At that time, I asked the mother to recall the days when she was a child – did she like her parents blaming her? “No child makes mistakes on purpose,” I shared with her. No matter what the child had done, we need to try and put ourselves in their shoes. If we find that they have, indeed, done something wrong, we must analyse the problem with them calmly. When we analyse the issue, start from the “shining spots” of the child’s behaviour. We praise them for their good work and guide them to correct the lacking parts. Through this, children will feel that their way of handling a situation has been approved by their parents, hence become more likely to accept the adult’s advice. After analysing it with her, she plucked up courage and was willing to concede for her child. When they did not see eye to eye, she would restrain her temper and hear her child out. Then, they analysed the cause and effect of the matter so that her child could understand her intentions. The mother also tried to encourage and affirm the girl to show appreciation. In the process, I kept on guiding the child, and tried to analyse the situation with her from the parent’s perspective. I also shared the child’s feelings with the mother so that she could understand the child’s point of view. In this case, I also drew up a rule, that is, no throwing tantrums at each other for three days, for the child and the mother. When they succeeded in not losing their temper with each other for three days, I increased it to a week, and then two. Eventually, two of them were able to share the kitchen in harmony and cook a meal for the family. A message to all parents “No child makes mistakes on purpose. They need to be understood.” Whether you are a parent or a teacher, we need to put ourselves in the children’s shoes when something happens. First, we understand what the child is thinking, and then we analyse the cause and effect of the problem together with the child. What children need is an elder who understands their inner thoughts. It is not enough for a child to have the knowledge and a diploma. It is more important for a child to have a heart full of love and to feel loved so that they will love everyone and everything around them. TZU CHI 131 59