The world of Tzu Chi January 2020 (Vol.118)

2020 • 01 44 Dr Yin Wen-yao (2nd from right) devoted himself wholeheartedly to caring for his patients, not realizing that he was neglecting his own well-being. offered me the rare opportunity to live life at a slower pace and gain a new perspective on life. I soon realized that the greatest paradox for a doctor is that he or she has easy access to health screening facilities due to the nature of his or her work, but never had the time to spare for a proper blood test or physical examination. This revelation reflects the predisposition of most healthcare professionals to value service over self, often prioritizing the needs of their patients at the expense of their own, not unlike the thoughtful grocers who save the freshest produce for their customers instead of themselves. As I was due to begin receiving treatment, I hesitated. On the one hand, I was worried whether I would be able to withstand the side effects induced by the medication; on the other, I was well aware that my chances of a full recovery were not guaranteed. If I were to be worn down by the treatment process, what would happen to the patients under my care? Would I still be able to continue pursuing my medical career? During those times of doubt, a fellow surgeon from the gastroenterology and hepatology department advised me that although the treatment process significantly affects overall fitness, delaying treatment past the critical window or waiting until the liver has hardened or the further decline of liver function is even more detrimental. My course of treatment lasted for almost a year, throughout which I was injected with weekly doses of interferons, the only type of therapy approved for defending against the hepatitis C virus. However, I had to endure the side effects, including poor appetite, nausea, diarrhea, low moods, diminished attention span, emotional instability, insomnia and fatigue. One night, I suffered from a particularly severe instance of insomnia; even counting sheep failed to lull me to sleep, so I headed outdoors to take a stroll around the hospital grounds. A sudden wave of loneliness washed over me and I was overcome by thoughts of ending my life and my misery once and for all. The onset of diseases strikes fear in the hearts of all, regardless of socio-economic status. Similarly, even doctors are not immune to feeling an impending sense of doom at the prospect of death looming on the horizon when weakened by illness, as we are only human. After dutifully cooperating with the medical team and adhering to my follow-up schedule in the first few months of treatment, I was prepared to undergo the complete course of treatment. I scheduled my subsequent treatment sessions for Fridays to allow myself time to recuperate from post- treatment fatigue and soreness over the weekend before resuming work on Monday. Lessons on life and death As surgeons, we have to maintain our umanistic Medicine