The world of Tzu Chi (Vol.108)

2019 • 03 18 shaping her into an intrepid, arrogant individual, besides inadvertently adopting the domineering, self-assured tone that has become second nature to most businessmen. Quee Ling noticed that her personality resembled her father’s, who is hot-tempered and overbearing. After starting a family, she was inclined towards the “tiger mother” style of educating her children, based on the belief that “I am always right; follow my instructions at all times”. She was convinced that was the only foolproof way of ensuring that her children stayed obedient. Amongst her three children, bringing up her eldest was the toughest, while the two younger ones were fairly well-behaved. Her eldest daughter was the only child who never feared her beatings and scoldings. Her rebellious streak continued as she grew into a teenager, and intensified especially after she entered high school. Fights at home became the norm. At that time, Sok Chu was already a Tzu Chi volunteer. Seeing how distressed Quee Ling was, she encouraged Quee Ling to participate in Tzu Chi’s Education Mission, hoping that she would discover a suitable method of educating her children. Quee Ling saw no harm in trying, so she started attending classes for the Tzu Chi Teenagers’ Group (Tzu Shao) with her eldest daughter. “After attending only three sessions, I became aware of my shortcomings in educating my children. I realized that the ‘tiger mother’ approach of upbringing would only drive my eldest daughter further away from me. I started to reflect on my ways and read Master Cheng Yen’s books. I even installed Da Ai TV at home to listen to Master’s daily Dharma talk.” By reading Master Cheng Yen’s books, Quee Ling understood the influence of the examples set by parents on a child. She was reminded of the harsh, impatient tone she often used when speaking to her mother. Sometimes, she would even raise her voice. No wonder her daughter learnt from her example, and lacked respect for her. It dawned upon Quee Ling that her negative habitual tendencies might be passed down to her eldest daughter. Hence, she decided to start by changing her own attitude first. She shed her “tiger mother” guise and sincerely repented, apologizing to her children for her authoritarian ways and promising to never exert control over their lives ever again. Her change in behaviour had an effect on her eldest daughter, who eventually stopped picking fights with her. Despite knowing that changing negative habitual tendencies for the better could not be achieved overnight, Quee Ling feels grateful for the opportunity to be able to support the students of the Tzu Shao classes every step of the way and grow with them. Learning more about the Dharma every day inculcated seeds of Dharma wisdom within her, equipping her with the introspective ability to alter her mindset to view problems from a different perspective when faced with adversity. Quee Ling, who was certified as a Tzu Chi Commissioner in 2012, learnt the tenets of her role not only as a responsible mother, but also a loving wife, after being involved in Tzu Chi. She feels blessed to have married Lim Hong Loke, who is mild-tempered, introverted and inept at sweet talk, yet works hard to provide for the family as his way of expressing love and affection. eature